The Reality of Love
by Pamplemoose
Summary: Zoro knew that Love wasn't easy. His hidden feelings helped the rest of the crew see how hard it was to feel that way about someone. But he could never tell his Captain, no matter how painful the reality was.


_Hi there everyone! I should be busy writing the next chapter of Cosa Nostra but it is so hard to focus on the story, and this has been in my mind for some time in a random form...I tried to write it as chapters but it didn't work...and then lying in bed this morning this came to me!_

_So enjoy my little one shot of unrequited love._

_

* * *

_

**The Reality of Love**

**A Fanfiction by Pamplemoose**

It was Vivi who noticed it first. A woman with a heart big enough to care for an entire country was excellent at observing the pains of others.

She was thrilled at the chance of seeing her old friends again, returning to her kingdom five years since they last were there. The princess was eager to show them what her country had become now it was in peace.

And with an occasion as large as a wedding, the princess' excitement was heightened.

Vivi had got a letter a few years ago now, describing how Luffy and Nami realised their feelings for each other. When Nami called her on the Den Den Mushi, the blue haired girl almost screamed down the line at the word 'Married'. She had seen the looks between the pair at times, and knew they were a perfect fit.

The crew arrived in particularly loud fashion, as usual. Vivi was pleased to meet the new members Franky and Brooke, and was relieved to see that even Mrs All Sunday, no, Nico Robin, was a nice woman at heart now she wasn't working for Crocodile. Apart from being slightly older, and slightly more world-wary, the Strawhats hadn't changed.

The princess and her advisors prepared a lavish affair, sparing no expense at preparing a room in the palace for the ceremony. Remembering the rubber boy from his first visit to the palace, Terracotta and the cooks were preparing the biggest feast in the history of Alabasta.

She cried in the service, along with Chopper, Franky and Ussop. The bride and groom were beaming as they walked down the isle, and all were happy and in the mood to celebrate.

The joy of the event almost made her miss the one who did not seem as happy as the rest.

Mr Bushido was not a very emotional man, this Vivi knew. He was smiling and laughing like the rest of the crew; and anyone not paying attention could see a First Mate happy for his Captain and Nakama.

But his eyes, Vivi could see that the joy did not shine through.

She watched him through the feast, curious to decipher the enigmatic swordsman. In the melee that was eating with the strawhats, no one noticed the looks of the swordsman or the princess.

"Um, Mr Bushido, may I sit here?"

Vivi approached him as he retreated into the corner, to consume the many bottles of rum he had acquired. The pair watched the crew's joviality as she settled next to him.

She watched his gaze, and when she saw his eyes light up as the Captain began dancing in the middle of the floor, Vivi's fears were confirmed.

"Oh, Mr Bushido…"

Zoro stiffened, but didn't answer her. He knew what was coming, but he never expected the princess to be the first to know. Robin, maybe, but never Vivi. But the princess continued.

"…How long have you?"

Zoro shrugged, taking another sip of his rum. As ever, his answers were concise and to the point.

"Always."

Vivi felt tears spring to her eyes and shook her head. Zoro was still watching Luffy, the fondness on his face so out of place on the swordsman's sharp features.

"Does he k-"

"Of course not."

Zoro turned to look at her, and for the first time she noticed the change in the swordsman. After all this time, Vivi still saw him as the 19 year old boy who had helped her.

But here sat a man. Zoro face was strong, but age was not helping him as small wrinkles showed at the corners of his dark eyes. She could see the slight scars on his face. Beneath his shirt she noticed a few more on his shoulder blades, but never asked where they came from. He was always a glutton for punishment, she knew.

But this punishment was clearly too much for him to bear. Vivi could see that Zoro suddenly looked inexplicably exhausted.

"How can I tell him? He loves Nami, always has."

He felt Vivi's hand on his arm, but didn't have the strength to look at her. Instead his eyes were drawn to the same person they always were.

"Zoro." The use of his name startled him. "Don't torture yourself like this. If only he knew-"

He laughed, hollowly.

"And how would that help? He likes _women_ Vivi; I never even had a chance."

The princess felt her eyes wet with tears, and squeezed Zoro's arm in a sign of silent support. When he didn't even look at her, she stood and walked away.

The kind hearted princess never realised Love was so cruel.

----

Sanji, surprisingly, noticed it next. He never would have expected the so painfully straight cook to notice his feelings. But then again, he was the love cook after all.

It was during the euphoric time some months after the wedding when Nami announced the big news. As she smiled and held her stomach, Sanji's heart dropped at the though of her beautiful Nami-swan, giving birth to the spawn of Luffy.

But the pair was thrilled, so naturally he was thrilled for his nakama too.

But he was surprised to notice another crew member not looking the happiest at the thought.

They were docked at some small island, celebrating the news, and Sanji decided to return to the ship to question the man on watch.

Zoro was, startlingly, awake, and staring out into the ocean. His eyes sharp and alert as ever. Sanji could see the sadness on his face, so stood behind him and lit a cigarette.

"Oi, Marimo."

Zoro didn't turn, but Sanji knew he was listening.

"I would never have thought you, of all people, were like _that_."

The sentence got Zoro's attention. He turned sharply, the sadness mixed with fear now poorly covered with a mask of indifference.

"What the fuck are you talking about, Cook?"

Sanji smiled, but there was no joy behind it.

"Does he know how you feel about him?"

Even in the darkness, he could see the tanned skin pale on Zoro's face.

"…How?"

"When they announced the news, jackass. I've never seen a man look so…heartbroken."

Zoro quickly scowled, embarrassed that his emotions got the better of him.

"Shut up."

"Make me, Marimo. I'm not gonna get my ass kicked by some pans-"

He was on the floor with a sword at his throat before he could finish the sentence."

"Shut up."

Sanji observed the swordsman closely; he seemed to be struggling to control himself. This behaviour, the cook knew from many fights, was unusual. Zoro was not one to get riled so easily.

He looks worried, Sanji noticed, and there was hurt hidden under the angry expression. He could feel the sword shaking against his throat and it suddenly clicked that maybe insulting Zoro wasn't the thing to do when he's this unstable. Sanji gently pushed the sword away from him as he whispered in realisation.

"He doesn't know. No one does."

Zoro turned and hid his sigh with a snort. He did not want to discuss this with the cook of all people.

"Vivi knows."

"Vivi-chan? When did she-"

"At the wedding."

Silence hung again as Sanji tried to think of what to say. Clearly, Zoro was struggling with revealing his sexuality to the blonde, and he didn't want to upset him further.

"Why didn't you say something to us before?"

"Che, stupid cook. With all you're fawning, and Franky and Chopper, and then Ussop's so close minded." Zoro trailed off again, and turned to face Sanji as he tried to find the words.

"Stupid long nose would probably be scared or something…"

Life at the Baratie flashed in the cook's mind. He remembered the fights caused by confused emotions in cramped quarters. The blond could still see the beaten man try and escape as the chefs chased him with disgusted shouts of 'queer' and much worse besides. The memory made his blood run cold, and suddenly it clicked.

Zoro was scared at their reaction.

He could see the fear of rejection on the Marimo's face. For once in his life, Sanji didn't have the heart to be mean to him.

"I won't tell them, if you don't want me to."

Zoro visibly relaxed.

"But you know they wouldn't care either way, we're a pretty open minded crew after all."

Sanji went to turn away, but Zoro's quiet voice stopped him dead.

"Luffy……he can't know."

He didn't dare turn to face the swordsman; the heartbreak and forced happiness in his voice was too much as it was.

"They're gonna be a family now. Telling him would just ruin…I don't want to make him unhappy."

As he shook his head and walked back to the bar, Sanji never thought he would sympathise with the swordsman.

The chef never realised Love could be so painful.

----

He found brief salvation in Ace. He could always see the lust on the freckled face as they looked at each other.

He arrived one morning by surprise. The Whitebeard pirate was apparently passing, and saw the ship so decided to pay his brother a visit.

Ace was delighted to see Nami's slightly protruding stomach, and Uncle Ace laughed as he congratulated his brother. Never knew the rubber kid had it in him.

The crew looked the same, he noticed. Then again, it was only a year or so ago when he saw them at the wedding. He laughed and joked with them all, but it was during a big meal by the chef when he found what he was really looking for.

Zoro excused himself quickly, muttering about needing to train. But before he left, Ace clearly saw the longing in his eyes.

Nami went for a nap shortly after dinner, and Luffy decided to join her. This gave Ace the perfect time to do some training of his own.

He had barely locked the door of the crow's nest when the swordsman was on him, kissing his lips with a desperate passion. The fire-man could barely believe his luck as he returned the kiss with equal force.

He remembered noticing Zoro in Alabasta, but he didn't have enough time then to have any fun.

When they next met, shortly after his escape from Impel Down, the swordsman clearly rebuffed any attempt Ace made. His expression was a clear refusal; he seemed to have a lot on his mind.

At the wedding, Ace couldn't seem to find him at all, which irritated him greatly. He found him deep in discussion with the princess, but decided to stop pursuing him when one of the Alabastan advisors was giving him the eye. The rest of that night was a blur of passion and, strangely, talons.

But now, after all his fantasies of his muscular, tanned, swordsman, the man was all but throwing himself at him.

Ace was happy to oblige.

The pair was practically fighting for control, tearing clothes off each other to grip at firm muscles. Zoro was desperate, it had been to long, and this man was perfect.

The kisses and gropes turned to shoves and snarls as the pair licked, bit and sucked each other's skin. Zoro hid his gasp as Ace's hard cock first ground against his own, and Ace squirmed with delight at a man finally strong enough to pin him down bit and sucked at his collarbone as he straddled him.

The fight for dominance ended as Ace in a sneaky move, trailed a hot, flaming finger down the sensitive scar that split the swordsman's body. Zoro almost cried in pleasure, and as his knees buckled Ace pinned him to the floor, grinning wildly as his hand moved from the bottom of the scar towards the swordsman's crotch.

And Zoro was his. He ached towards Ace's hand, thickly muttering for his partner to stroke harder, faster, until Ace feared he would almost hurt him.

But then he remembered Zoro was that much of a Masochist, so his hands left burns on Zoro's hips and his mouth was all but biting on the hard cock, and it took all his strength to pin the bucking swordsman down.

As he began to prepare Zoro with his fingers, Ace first noticed the man's interest with his hair. The calloused fingers stroked and gripped Ace's dark locks, as if he held then for dear life. He might've minded, but his thought was only really focused on his and Zoro's lower halves know, and besides, this way he was close enough to kiss Zoro more often.

As Ace removed the warm hand from inside him, Zoro lay back and let Ace fuck him into sweet oblivion.

As he rode the sweet afterglow, Ace thanked his lucky stars again at the fortune of his bed partner. The man had such stamina that even after 5 times he didn't seem to be tired, though he did seem to wince slightly as he sat at the window, back on watch as if nothing had happened.

But Zoro wasn't looking out at sea.

"What'cha looking at?" Ace questioned as he rose and stood next to the swordsman. When he followed Zoro's trail of sight, everything was finally revealed.

Luffy chased Nami around the deck, laughing merrily as the couple enjoyed themselves. And Zoro watched from afar, with the longing Ace saw earlier back in his eyes.

"Oh. It seems you got the wrong brother."

He should've been more offended, but the rounds of mind-blowingly good, passionate sex made the older pirate think it didn't matter.

Zoro still wasn't talking to him, but staring down at his Captain longingly.

"Oi, Zoro, you there?"

"Hm?" The swordsman tore his gaze from below to look at the chiselled man sat next to him. Ace ran his hand over the muscled body with an erotic grin.

"You fancy going again?"

But Zoro wasn't paying attention again, back to looking as Luffy chased his hat across the deck; his hair moving in the wind.

Hair. The one thing Ace had in common with his brother. The Whitebeard pirate shook his head sadly and moved his hand from the swordsman's torso.

"Oh Zoro, you've got it bad, huh?"

Zoro sighed heavily, running a tired hand over his face.

"But he loves her."

"Is that why you wanted me?"

The green hair shook as Zoro replied in negative

"…But it wasn't me you wanted here, was it? You wanted him."

"…"

Ace laid a hand on Zoro shoulder, knowing it was pointless trying to move the swordsman's gaze again.

"Don't do this to yourself Zoro, as much as you want it. You can't have him."

Zoro didn't answer but Ace continued as he searched for his clothes.

"…Move on, there are plenty of people out there who would be happy with someone as hot as you," He took the swordsman in his arms and kissed him passionately. "Me included."

But Zoro barely responded, just running his through the black hair as his face rested at the crook of the other man's neck and he dreamt of the arms of someone else.

"I only want him."

After a few moments he paused, ashamed, and turned away.

Ace sighed and left the crows nest, descending the steps to join his brother and friends, and leave the broken-hearted to their dreams.

The pirate never realised Love could be so lonely.

----

He was near panic when Luffy almost noticed. He cursed his own moment of weakness for almost ruining everything he held dear.

It was a moment of weakness for all of them. The storm had been heavy, and the marines at the end of it surprisingly ruthless. They had no problem fighting them, of course, but when Nami fell from the momentum of cannon shot, the world seemed to stop.

She hadn't been out of her cabin in days, just clutching her stomach and shedding tears for the life she lost.

The whole crew were shaken, Sanji and Robin rallying to her side to comfort the mother in the time of mourning. Chopper shook of his grief by working hard as a doctor, and Franky, Brooke and Ussop didn't know what else to do but hide, all grieving in the depths of the Thousand Sunny.

And Luffy was like a ghost.

He walked around the ship in a daze, not too sure what he could do. Nami wouldn't see him without screaming or crying, so Chopper suggested he left her to mourn alone. With the rest of the crew hiding, he wandered at a loss, needing someone to be there with him.

It broke Zoro's heart to see his Captain so hurt.

It was little over a week since it happened, and the night found Luffy yet again on deck, his dreams plagued by blood and screams and babies. He was thankful to see the familiar figure of his First Mate.

Zoro always knew when he was needed.

Luffy sat next to him silently, both watching the moon and stars. Zoro handed him a bottle, and though he wasn't normally one to drink the numbing effects of alcohol seemed to soothe the rubber man at the moment.

Minutes passed, and Luffy found himself staring at his feet, scared to meet the man he respected in the eye.

"…My fault."

Zoro raised an eyebrow and looked down at his captain.

"It was my fault. I wasn't able to protect them."

Zoro didn't know how to respond right away, his mind slowed by the alcohol and the shock.

"Luffy…"

"I shouldn't have left her, or we should have just run. I knew she was too delicate to fight, but I just didn't think…"

His buried his face in his hands, hat obscuring him as he fought his emotions. Zoro set his bottle down and spoke to his nakama.

"Luffy, it is not your fault. You couldn't have prevented it."

"But…"

"_Luffy_." Zoro grabbed his captain's arm and forced the mourning father to look up at him. "What happened to Nami, it was terrible, but there's nothing any of us could have done. Not Chopper, not Sanji, not me or Nami or You. You just have to accept that sometimes, these things happen. You need to move on; we need you to lead us. Nami needs you to help her."

Luffy sat silent for a while in Zoro's grip, processing the words said to him.

"Will she still want me?"

This caused Zoro to release his hold on Luffy, as if the rubber skin burnt.

"…Of course she will."

"But I couldn't look after her, I didn't protect the crew, I always get in the way and cause her more problems. What if she hates me now?"

Luffy's eyes were wide and wet, and tears threatened to fall down his face. He explored his First Mate's face with despair, aching for an answer that would ease his emotionally fraught soul.

The expression made Zoro loose all rationale.

"Luffy…"

His hand moved closer to his captain, and as much as a small voice inside him begged _stop stop stop stop dammit stop!_ But he didn't.

Luffy jumped as Zoro rested his hand on his cheek and brushed his thumb over Luffy's cheekbone, tracing the scar underneath his eye.

"How could anyone hate you, Captain?"

Luffy's mind was elsewhere, the soothing touch of his best friend calming him, and he thought of his wife and how he could calm her fears. So he didn't notice as Zoro moved closer to him.

The swordsman pulled Luffy into his embrace, his body crying out for the contact with the one he cared for. Zoro rested his chin on Luffy's head as he nestled into his broad chest.

"You help us all, Captain, save us from more dangers than we can imagine. You always know when to help and when to let us do things ourselves. She would be a fool to hate you."

Luffy still wasn't really paying attention, just reassured by the warm chest of his First Mate, and the comforting words that came from him. The rubber boy hardly noticed as Zoro shifted.

He was moved back into concentration when he felt Zoro's lips brush against cheek, and faintly heard the end of the whisper.

"…could _never_ hate you, Captain."

Luffy moved away slowly, staring at Zoro with a quizzical expression. Zoro wouldn't look at him, his gaze back on the sea and the bottle back in his hand. He stood and patted his swordsman on the back, a silent thanks for all the help he constantly provides.

To the Swordsman's frantic relief, the Captain never realised anything.

----

Nami began to notice first when she was pregnant again. Luffy was overjoyed with the news, determined to make sure that she was safe this time.

It was mildly annoying that he never left his side, but she appreciated his concern.

It was first noticed when she woke up from a nap (forced into bed by a nervous Luffy, lovesick Sanji and frantic Chopper) to see her Captain standing near the mast, looking down at the figure of the swordsman.

There was no way she could hear what they were saying without them noticing she was listening, but the expression on their faces showed her enough as if she was hearing even their thoughts.

Luffy was smiling, a real, genuine smile that the navigator thought she was the only one privy to. Luffy looked completely content, laughing and chatting with his best friend. Nami thought she saw a spark in Luffy's eyes that was similar to the one he had when he was with her.

Zoro sat on the floor, but looked up with his captain with an undying attention he gave to nothing other than swordsmanship. He too was smiling, a real expression that nobody got to see. Well, nobody but Luffy.

He grinned and laughed, and Nami realised she had seen the swordsman do that less and less as the years past. Zoro was only truly happy in the presence of his Captain.

As Zoro turned his head, Nami could read that his expression was much more that simple happiness.

His eyes were gleaming, full of things they never usually held. His body language, no longer sharp or controlled was calm and relaxed. Zoro never looked that happy, and suddenly she got what it all meant. And the thought made her clench her hand over her unborn child in fear.

She never thought anyone else would Love her husband.

--

She began to think he was more married to him than she was. The frantic 9 months had kept her mind at bay to the thoughts, but now the kid was out to the world she was left with plenty of time to watch the swordsman's emotions.

Luffy spent more time with Zoro than he did her, always enjoying the company of his First Mate. In a way Nami didn't find it that surprising, he was the start of everything for Luffy after all.

He wandered around the deck, holding the baby with a gentleness she had never seen from him. But the wandering inevitably brought him towards the sleeping swordsman.

It always did.

Zoro gave one of his real smiles, and again Nami noticed how Luffy was the only one who recieved them. He gazed down at the baby too, with an unreadable expression on his face as the Captain sat next to him.

Zoro almost panicked as Luffy placed the baby in his arms, and as he scrambled to hold him properly Luffy chuckled as he watched. When he did manage it, Nami feared for the look on his face.

Happiness, Contentment. It was more than desire, Nami could see, he loved him.

And as Zoro sat with the baby in his arms and his Captain leaning over him, talking with fondness about his son, Nami realised they looked like a perfect family.

And Zoro looked like it was all he ever wanted.

Sanji called from the kitchen, and Luffy roared for food and ran off, leaving the confused swordsman with the bundle in his arms. He looked almost lost, but rather than getting up for dinner, the mother watched him settle down with the mini-version of Luffy still in his arms.

She silently fumed with anger.

Zoro didn't notice her until she towered over him; too busy staring at the boy in his arms. He looked so much like his father, Zoro gazed at the tiny figure with fascination.

It made him think of Luffy, of everything that could have been. But it wasn't his.

"Ahem."

The voice startled him from his fantasies, and Zoro gave a panicked glare to the navigator.

"Zoro."

"What do you want, woman?"

She saw the expression in his face, the joy from his dreams shadowed with the pain of reality staring down at him. Nami's anger dissipated; mixed with huge sympathy for the man.

Zoro had always been there, always helping Luffy since the beginning of it all. No crew member was as loyal as he, no other as willing to lay down their life for the crew. After all these years, she knew now, all the sacrifices he had made for his captain.

Now she knew why.

It all came flooding to her, the glances Zoro gave the captain over the years, the expressions and concern he gave. She remembered, after the time they spent apart after that Kuma split them up, on the day they saved Ace, when she ran at Luffy and kissed him, on the day they declared their love. She could now see the look of pain on the green haired man's face as they embraced.

He carried it around all these years, desperate to tell the one he loved, but not wanting to ruin the happiness already in his life. Just another sacrifice Zoro was willing to make.

"Oh Zoro, you idiot."

Nami slid to the floor next to him, and from the look on her face his stomach twisted as he realised she knew. But with the child in his arms he couldn't move.

Nami rested her hand on his cheek, trying to get him to look at her.

"Have you always loved him? As you watched us all these years?"

He tried to move his head away, but Nami wouldn't move her hand as she carried on.

"Does it hurt, to see him so happy and in love with me instead of you? What do you feel when you see our son, and know you are not part of it?"

This time Zoro did turn his head away, staring at the floor. He knew better than threatening Nami if he didn't want Luffy on his case. The navigator smiled wryly.

"Oh Zoro, you love him. You may be his First Mate, but that is all you'll ever be."

She gathered her son from the strong arms of the swordsman, and stood to look down at the slumped figure.

"Be careful Zoro, if you break apart my family, he will never forgive you."

She walked to the galley, ignoring the broken sigh of the inconsolable swordsman.

The Navigator realised there was so much she didn't know about Love.

-.-.-

* * *

_Ahh, I'm not sure if I like this. Nami's bit particularly I'm not fond of, but it needed to be there. This is my first attempt at writing anything about romance, let alone a bit of Yaoi, so I hope it's okay. It's hardly romantic though!_

_I have always had difficulty in fanfics at seeing Luffy as a gay character. It just doesn't work for me, and when its written they usually just make him like a woman which is so un-Luffy like. I prefer my yaoi with a bit more, I love the fighting between Sanji anf Zoro, and I do love the AxexZoro relationship which is just 2 hot bishies together :P Hence why there is a tidbit of AxZ in here!_

_The yaoi is pretty tame, I didn't want to go into depth, one because I needed to get on to the story, and two because I wasn't sure if I'd feel comfortable writing it._

_But I do, so next time I can take it further._

_So in traditional Pamplemoose fashion, some good old Zoro Angst. I do think he may harbour feelings for Luffy, but they could never be recipricated. Poor Zoro!_

_Please tell me what you though so I can improve on my relationship writing._

_Thanks for Reading! - Pamplemoose_


End file.
